Kiddie Credits

When I heard that California’s Nadya Suleman, mother of six children, decided to plant six more embryos, which produced in her womb 8 more babies (for a total of 14 children), I thought someone must have gotten the facts wrong. I was even more upset when I found out that it took 45 doctors and staff members to deliver her “litter”. Just getting these kids home from the hospital is estimated to run up a health care bill exceeding $3 million.

Suleman deserves the mass criticism that has come her way. Of course, she claims that if she wasn’t a single mom, no one would be saying anything about her 14 children. Honey, respectfully, I don’t give a damn where you got the sperm. This has nothing to do with the fact that there is no man in the house, so stop hiding your irresponsibility by playing the “single mom” card.

In Suleman’s recent interview on NBC she stated the following:

· “I know I’ll be able to afford them when I’m done with my schooling.”
· “All I wanted was children. I wanted to be a mom. That’s all I ever wanted in my life. I love my Children. I’m loving them unconditionally, accepting them unconditionally. Everything I do, I’ll stop my life for them and be present with them. And hold them. And be with them. And how many parents do that? I’m sure there are many that do, but many don’t. And that’s unfortunate. That is selfish.”

AFFORDABILITY

“I know I’ll be able to afford them when I’m done with my schooling.” Suleman is working on a master’s degree in counseling. Assuming that she finishes her schooling, she can expect to make about $45,000 a year with that degree. In her demented mind, that salary will enable her to “afford” 14 children.

According to the latest research, the annual cost (in 2006 dollars) of raising a child from birth through the 18th year is $5,940 for housing, $2,323 for food, $2,543 for transportation, $652 for clothing, $1,010 for health care, $1,732 for daycare, and $1,897 for miscellaneous expenses for an annual per-child total of $16,097. So, let’s see….. Fourteen children @ $16,097 per child comes to a total child raising cost of $225,358 per year. Gosh, Nadya, with your $45,000 salary there’s a $180,358 annual shortfall, even if you pay no income taxes and social security taxes. Sure, Nadia, you’ll be able to “afford” these kids just fine! Oh, one small thing; can we get your check for the $3 million hospital bill?

There’s another small ditty that we might need to explore. According to experts, it is virtually impossible to have eight babies that are healthy and robust. Most, if not all of these octuplets, will likely have major health problems including seizures, heart problems, lung problems, and significant learning disabilities. The costs of the special-needs requirements of these kids alone will be enough to choke a horse. Unless the biological father of Suleman’s children is Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, the taxpayers of California are going to be digging into their pockets for the entire natural lifetime of these children. No problem; California’s state government is flush with cash!

ALL I WANTED WAS CHILDREN. I LOVE MY CHILDREN

Well, Nadya. If your goal in life was to be a mom, you achieved it in a big way. Why weren’t you happy with six children? Nadya, you might be a biological mother to 14 children, but you don’t love them; unconditionally or otherwise. You’re sick. You didn’t need a fertility clinic last year; you needed a psychologist. As much as you give lip service to loving these children, you will inevitably neglect them. You’re outnumbered 14 to 1. You criticize parents who don’t spend enough time with their children and call them “selfish.” Dear Nadya, you invented the word “selfish” when it comes to bringing children into this world. Most Mississippi puppy mill owners have more sense than you have.

“OK, OK”, you must be saying. “Stop beating up on a woman who is obviously mentally ill.” All right. OK. I get it. It’s just that Suleman is now the ultimate poster child for all parents (single, married, gay or straight) that give birth to more children than they can financially and emotionally support.

Maybe instead of carbon credits we should have a system of “kiddie credits.” It would work like this: Every female born in the US would receive three “kiddie credits”. This would allow her to bear three children, but no more. If a woman gave birth to three children and wanted a fourth child, she would be allowed to do so, but only if she purchased a “kiddie credit” from a woman who didn’t use her allowable credits. Let’s say Sally wants five children, but Marcy wants only one child. Sally could buy two of Marcy’s “kiddie credits”, allowing her permission to bear five children. Marcy could have one child. Thus, between the two mothers, there are six children; an average of 3 children per mother. This keeps the population at a sustainable birth rate (about 2.2 children per mother), while allowing families who can afford the extra credits the ability to have more children.

Of course, “kiddie credits” would trade at a market price; perhaps as high as $10,000 to $15,000. This would give some women reason not to have too many children, favoring the additional income from the sale of their “kiddie” credits instead. On the other hand, women with the propensity and income to desire more than three children would be able to realize their dream.

Unlike carbon credits, kiddie credits would at least be tackling a real problem. There would be a few details to work out with the kiddie credit program. For example, what if a woman had twins with her third pregnancy? Of course, she would be allowed to keep them, giving her four children without penalty. What would you do if a woman gave birth to a child for whom she had no kiddie credit? Let’s see. Maybe we could put the biological father in jail for two years and garnish his wages for life to support the fourth kid. Or maybe we could just let Obama figure out the details during a long weekend meeting at Camp David with a health and human services secretary who has paid his/her taxes. This Obama guy is pure genius. Any guy who can figure out how to run the entire US economy in three weeks isn’t going to be thwarted by kiddie credits.

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