My Advice for Michael Jackson

Now that the “not guilty” verdict has been rendered in the Michael Jackson case it is time for the entertainment superstar to restructure his life and his business.  Although he is in financial trouble, Jackson remains one of the most talented entertainers ever.  While the trial disclosures have undoubtedly damaged his reputation among many, he still has millions of admirers throughout the world.

Jackson is not unlike a corporation that is experiencing financial difficulty.  He needs to trim the fat and start doing the things that “got him there” in the first place.  My advice is as follows:

·    Recuperate for six months and stay out of public.  You need the media off your back for a while, so get healthy and regain your strength for your “comeback”.

·    Create Music.  Spend time in the studio working on new material and brush up on old material.  You still have loads of talent.

·    Sell Neverland.  The disposal of this ranch will accomplish two things.  First, it will generate much-needed funds for the Jackson treasury.  Giraffe food isn’t cheap.  Second, Neverland is associated with child molestation charges.  Selling the ranch will distance Jackson from those charges.

·    Cull the herd.  You are surrounded staff and employees, many of whom have not served you well.  Trim expenses by getting rid of excess staff.  Cut back on non-staff expenses as well.

·    Fire Jesse Jackson as your spiritual advisor.  Jesse is a loser and an extortionist.  He thrives on victimization.  Don’t hang around him any more or you will be even a bigger loser.  By the way, this advice applies to anyone.  Even Shaun Hannity turned into a loser when he snuggled up to Jesse Jackson during the Terri Schiavo debacle.

·    Go on Tour.  Within a year go on a 30-city tour.  If you don’t have any new material just go with your old material.  People will flock to buy your tickets no matter what material you perform.  Your financial recovery will be assured.

Last but not least, quit sleeping with little boys and stop carving on your face.  One more facial surgery and you will have to audition for space alien movies.  Finally, your skin is probably whiter than Queen Elizabeth’s posterior, so it probably doesn’t need another bleach job.

You’re weird, Michael.  But you’re also a heck of a talent.  When jogging I listen to your stuff on my I-Pod almost every day.  Take my above advice and you’ll be back on top in no time!

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